Article from: NEWS.com.au
Knifeman Cuts Off Penis in Front of Diners
I've just realized that all it takes to be a "knifeman" (KNIFE + MAN) is a knife and a peni... you know what? All you need is a knife. This headline should read "Knifeunuch (Formerly Knifeman) Cuts Off Penis in Front of Diners." Also Knifeman sounds like a superhero. It sounds like a superhero cut his junk off in a busy London restaurant and that wasn't even his superpower.
A MAN has cut off his own penis with a large knife in front of diners at a busy London restaurant.
I imagine that any restaurant in which someone cuts off their own penis could easily be described as "busy." Wherever people cut off penises, there will be a crowd. It's like a David Blaine stunt but real and this guy's not a pussy (although he is literally closer to womanhood now). It's odd that it takes balls to cut off your own penis. ZING. But honestly, I don't know of a more manly way of shedding one's manhood. Although I haven't seen those "Saw" movies and I understand those movies have all sorts of wacky, rusty methods of depenisery.
Witness Stuart McMahon, who was eating at Zizzi in the Strand with his girlfriend on Sunday, told The Sun: "This guy came running in then charged into the kitchen, got a massive knife and started waving it about.
That's crazy.
"Everyone was screaming and running out as he jumped on a table, dropped his trousers and popped his penis out.
Okay, that's craaaaaazy. When penises "pop" you know that motherfucker means business.
"Then he cut it off. I couldn't believe it."
THEN HE CUT IT OFF? That's all you can say witness Stuart McMahon? How long did it take? WHAT DID HE DO WITH HIS PENIS AFTERWARDS STUART?! I can't believe it. I can't believe that we don't get to know if he was walking around like a chicken with his head cut off. Was he waving his penis? I bet you he waved that thing at people. I would wave my thing. I might throw it. I might.
Police said a man in his 30s was taken to a south London hospital where his condition was stable today.
No man who cuts his penis off today is "stable" tomorrow. Police said a man in his 30s was taken to a south London hospital where his condition was listed as "batshit fucking crazy with no dick, dude."
The only news story that could top this is "David Blaine Cuts Off Own Penis in Deserted London Restaurant" That is a straight-up dare David Blaine. Criss Angel would. And it would be fucking metal.
