Sports Stars Tell Us Things: Magic Johnson

The first in a series of short animations featuring audio clips from some of the world's most talented athletes.

Sports Stars Tell Us Things: Magic Johnson from Matt James on Vimeo.

Dreams of the Ticketmaster Computer (#2)

Dream #2: "Testify 2:30"









CONCLUSION: This one is easy. The Ticketmaster computer is telling us to listen to Rage Against the Machine's song Testify at two minutes and 30 seconds in. That's when Tom Morello goes into a solo that every computer loves because it sounds like a modem. Click the play button above for the best modem solo ever.

Dreams of the Ticketmaster Computer (#1)

Ticketmaster, like many other less evil websites, uses captcha (No, that word is not "capture" spoken in a heavy Boston accent) to make sure that only humans can buy tickets. For some reason computers aren't allowed to buy Billy Joel tickets... I don't know why. But what I do know is that these captcha phrases are not just random words strung together. Anyone who's seen movies knows that while computers might not have feelings, they're always trying to tell you shit. So every once in a while from now on, whenever I get around to it, I'll be logging on to Ticketmaster, pretending to be interested in Phish tickets and capturing the captcha in an attempt to visualize the dreams of the Ticketmaster computer. WHAT IS THE TICKETMASTER COMPUTER TRYING TO TELL US?!?










The first dream to be interpreted: "3,000 wonders"
















CONCLUSION: EITHER the Ticketmaster computer is predicting a wave of social activism led by a small army of Stevie Wonders OR the Ticketmaster computer LOVES Stevie Wonder.

Earth to Michael Steele

RNC Chairman Michael Steele said something pretty stupid over the weekend.

Quoted from the above article:
Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele recast the gay marriage debate as a fiscal issue Saturday, saying allowing same-sex couples to marry places a financial burden on business.

In a breakfast speech to delegates of the Georgia Republican convention, Steele put himself in the shoes of a small business owner having to pay for health care and life insurance for a same-sex couple.

"Now all of a sudden I've got someone who wasn't a spouse before, that I had no responsibility for, who is now getting claimed as a spouse that I now have financial responsibility for," Steele said. "So how do I pay for that? Who pays for that? You just cost me money."

You fucking idiot. That's the same argument used by slave owners against abolition in 1862. "If the system changes and things are actually fair for everyone, well that's going to cost me a lot of money. Therefore, we should keep things the way that they are."

And furthermore, by his stupid logic, it's all marriage that's bad for small business, not just gay marriage. Anytime anyone takes a spouse it's going to cost small business owners. So no one get married if you want to save our economy.

Michael Steele - against the Emancipation Proclamation (for financial reasons), against marriage (for financial reasons).

There's the hip-hop makeover you promised the GOP! It's still all about the Benjamins, baby. Unless we're talking about two guys named Benjamin who want to marry each other. Then it's all about the Benjamins not having equal rights.

MEGATRON WANTS WHAT'S IN MY MIND

I saw Star Trek this past week and even though it was really great there was one line from my movie-going experience that I couldn't get out of my head.

Not from Star Trek though. It was from the trailer for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen:


I made an infuriatingly obnoxious ytmnd page.

I'm so sorry.

Uh Oh! I Found the Snickers Font on the Internet...

I think the last one would actually fit in pretty well with their current ad campaign. If Master P isn't too obscure for them to reference then why not Münchausen syndrome?

YES. I Have a Twitter Account.

No, I don't remember my login information. This is because I have no intention of using twitter.

Here's the thing with Twitter: Twitter is stupid.

Here is a list:
•Invest money with Bernie Madoff
•Do hard drugs even though you don't want to
•Crocs
•Join the Nazi party in 1930's Germany
•Purchase a lil' Wayne album
•Use Twitter

Here is what that list is of:
Things people do because everyone else is doing it.

If you don't already know, Twitter is the latest big wave in internet social networking. It's based on the idea that any and every random thought that you have during the day should be archived on the internet and shared with everyone you know.

At any point in time you can post roughly two dozen words to the internet and have all your friends read those words.

For instance, if I were Shaquille O'Neal, I might whip out my cell phone and say to the world:






Or, let's say that you're Dave Matthews and you have a revelation that people need to hear about:






Or perhaps, you're John McCain and you'd like everyone to know that you are, in fact, still alive? Well, you'd probably tell the teenager that you pay to use computers to post this:






My point is that the only people who should use Twitter are celebrities who I don't like. It's impossible to sound intelligent on Twitter. Just stop trying. If you're going to use Twitter I beg you to use it the way smart people (Andersen Cooper) use Twitter: No opinions. Nothing personal. No photos of the sneakers you're wearing today (Looking at you Diddy). Just links to your work for all the schmucks on Twitter to click on.

If anyone needs me, I'll be on Facebook.

This Great Thing Happened at the Museum of Modern Art (A While Ago)

The other month (I've been AWOL - no need to explain) Joe Mande and I took part in a great event at the MoMA:

Silent but Deadly: An Evening of Comedy Shorts
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
7:00-10:30 P.M.
MoMA

Watch a selection of silent comedy shorts from MoMA's collection, followed by short videos made in response by some of today's finest comedians. Ron Magliozzi, Assistant Curator, Department of Film, along with his colleagues Steve Massa and Ben Model, have selected some "cruel and unusual" slapstick comedy shorts from the silent era that explore social, cultural, and political subjects in rude and shocking ways. PopRally has invited contemporary comedians to react with their own video creations. MoMA silent film accompanist Ben Model will be at the piano.

Comedian Max Silvestri will host this unique evening of historic shorts and comic creations by Nick Kroll, Joe Mande, Gabe & Jenny, ThunderAnt (Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein), You Look Nice Today, and more. A reception follows. Doors and bar open at 7:00; show starts promptly at 8:00.

Visit the PopRally Web site for further details on this event.

Pretty cool, huh?
I don't know where our video went on the internet so for now I present you with photographic evidence that Michel Gondry was at the event and therefore (unless he was asleep, in the bathroom, in the hallway on the phone, or closing his eyes while plugging his ears and going "lalalalala") saw a video that I made and possibly (complete speculation) chuckled at something I did.

Our New Fox News Show - Why Is This Happening?

Me an Joe an Noah decided it was time to have a show on Fox News.

(Sorry Fran Drescher)

Obama Infomercial

Look what Joe and Noah and I made:



Tell all your friends. And digg.