Monday, December 17, 2007

Insensitive Lieberman Declares Thumb War on Former PoW McCain



HILLSBOROUGH, NH - Moments after crossing (alleged) party lines to endorse Senator John McCain(R-Ariz.), Senator Joe Lieberman (I - Conn.) launched a surprise offensive, declaring thumb war in the middle of a crowded McCain rally. Senator John McCain, a former prisoner of war in Vietnam, was visibly startled by the action and refused to launch opposable opposition.

"I will not authorize a thumb war without definitive evidence of a credible threat to my ego," McCain was quoted as saying. "While I'm honored to have Senator Lieberman's support in the presidential race, I must point out that he is a tiny and ineffectual man who I have no interest in embarrassing. I find it alarmingly insensitive that Senator Lieberman would challenge me to a thumb war knowing full well my very personal experiences with unnecessary wars."

Lieberman's office responded by stating that "Joe Lieberman is important and should be taken seriously in thumb war. Joe Lieberman is also not afraid of rock, paper, or scissors. Joe Lieberman. Joe Lieberman. Joe Lieberman."

Many experts believe that Lieberman's endorsement of McCain was not genuine, but rather a brash attempt to slide himself into a possible running mate position alongside McCain. Regardless, top political analysts believe that Lieberman's chances at the vice-presidency have been reduced to zero, as there is no end in sight to Lieberman's unauthorized occupation of McCain's right hand.

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