Friday, December 8, 2006

Graphics for News Stories

I whipped up some graphics that would appear in the upper right hand corner of the screen if one were doing news stories on the following:

"Sewage in lard" prompts new China health scare

Canada won't reopen same-sex marriage debate

I think you can figure out which is which: (click 'em for larger versions)


What Your Credit Card Says About You At The Supermarket


Don't even think about asking me if I want paper or plastic. I've brought the nine pbs tote bags I've amassed from generously donating to public television for nearly a decade. I really don't need that smart ass look from you when you see me at the Shell station buying gas with this card.


I am the president of the national association for amateur radio. I secretly suspect that I can no longer be considered an amateur.


I am going to try to talk to you about dogs. Please just humor me. This is the only human interaction I'm going to get today. Yes. These are sweatpants.


You need to know that kiss was the greatest band ever. You missed out. You weren't there in the glory days. You never listened to "Getaway" and then told your mom to go fuck herself because you were going bowling and there was nothing she could do about it. Then I went bowling. Fuck her. Anyway I gotta get these groceries back so she can make Beefaroni.


YOU SHOULD SEE THE EXCLUSIVE MASTER CARD BEAR I GOT FOR SIGNING UP FOR THIS CARD. HIS NOSE IS A MASTERCARD LOGO. ISN'T THAT EXCITING? WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE MY ANTELOPE?


I am the President of the National Owl Society and I have a tremendous sense of humor. (Or at least that's what I tell everyone)


You've got two seconds before I tell you that the bridge on my credit card is the same bridge that the married couple drove off of in Beetlejuice. (It's not)


I never thought that photoshopping a Mallomar credit card and putting it on my blog would one day lead to a real life Mallomar credit card. I'm thrilled about my Mallomar rewards program, but I'm concerned that I've accidentally sentenced myself to a life full of obesity-related heart problems. Oops I forgot to grab milk. And chicken. Oh my god I only remembered the Mallomars.
I only remembered the Mallomars...

Monday, December 4, 2006

I got your urban art right here...


Andre the Giant has a Pussy. It's really subtle.

Overdue Mel Gibson Photoshoppin'.


I've done nothing with this since making it the day after the "sugar tits" incident... Now I release it onto the internet like a captive animal into the wild. Go photoshopped "What Women Want" movie poster. Go and don't look back.