Thursday, September 27, 2007

Goblin King Irate Over 29-Minute Domino's Pizza Delivery


THE LABYRINTH, GOBLIN KINGDOM- Goblin King Jareth, 723, expressed great frustration Thursday evening after a failed attempt to abuse the Domino's Pizza "delivery in 30 minutes or it's free" policy. Veteran delivery boy Juan Esposito, 16, processed the King's order of a large sausage and onion pizza at 7:33pm and arrived at the top of Goblin Castle just 29 minutes later.

"I have no idea how he got from Earth to here in 29 minutes," stated Goblin King Jareth. "And I know fucking magic."

Esposito, a twelve-time employee of the month at the Union, NJ Domino's Pizza location, said his extensive knowledge of obscure and severely dated 80's movies played a large role in his delivery success.

"Well first I get angry with myself in the mirror. Then I hold the pizza real tight and I say 'I hate you! I wish the goblins would come to take me and the large sausage and onion pizza away!' Then I was in the labyrinth and I seen the movie so I know where I go to."

Caught off-guard by Eposito's punctuality, the Goblin King rushed from the shower, answering the door in a really gay 80's towel, unable to pay for his pizza.

"He say he no have American dollars so he pay me in fairy blood," recalled Esposito. "I put it on ebay and it only up to 6 dollar, seventy-five cent right now. He said it worth more."

In light of his miraculous delivery, Esposito is currently the front runner for the April employee of the month at the Union, NJ Domino's Pizza, although reports indicate that Ms. Jen Williams completely reorganized and cleaned the shelf in the office without anyone even telling her to do so.