Wednesday, March 11, 2009

YES. I Have a Twitter Account.

No, I don't remember my login information. This is because I have no intention of using twitter.

Here's the thing with Twitter: Twitter is stupid.

Here is a list:
•Invest money with Bernie Madoff
•Do hard drugs even though you don't want to
•Crocs
•Join the Nazi party in 1930's Germany
•Purchase a lil' Wayne album
•Use Twitter

Here is what that list is of:
Things people do because everyone else is doing it.

If you don't already know, Twitter is the latest big wave in internet social networking. It's based on the idea that any and every random thought that you have during the day should be archived on the internet and shared with everyone you know.

At any point in time you can post roughly two dozen words to the internet and have all your friends read those words.

For instance, if I were Shaquille O'Neal, I might whip out my cell phone and say to the world:






Or, let's say that you're Dave Matthews and you have a revelation that people need to hear about:






Or perhaps, you're John McCain and you'd like everyone to know that you are, in fact, still alive? Well, you'd probably tell the teenager that you pay to use computers to post this:






My point is that the only people who should use Twitter are celebrities who I don't like. It's impossible to sound intelligent on Twitter. Just stop trying. If you're going to use Twitter I beg you to use it the way smart people (Andersen Cooper) use Twitter: No opinions. Nothing personal. No photos of the sneakers you're wearing today (Looking at you Diddy). Just links to your work for all the schmucks on Twitter to click on.

If anyone needs me, I'll be on Facebook.

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